July Fourth Camping, 2015

2015 Fourth of July weekend
Thursday
Much to my chagrin the Xterra isn't street legal this year, so we had to rent a car (sigh) Thankfully there was a tiny rack on top so I could tie on the IKs I borrowed from Delton. After a bit of an epic tie down 5 of us piled into the equinox and headed into traffic. Well, bank, TacoBell, traffic, Target, traffic, liquor store, camp! Granted, it was 730pm and we were exhausted when we arrived, but we were thrilled!  We hugged Tenda and Elliot, unpacked the car, set up a couple of tents, had a grown up drink and commenced to frolicking! At some point we convinced the small people to go to sleep, we followed shortly after. It was a lovely evening, foggy, not to cold and then, in the middle of a drought, I heard rain drops! At first I thought I was imagining things, we are in a drought and it is July, rain wouldn't happen, would it? A few minutes later I figured I should investigate, since I hadn't put the rain fly on the condo tent. Umm, yup, rain drops, and there was no way of knowing if this was a little sprinkle or a deluge about to unfold, so I grabbed the rain fly, woke up Joamia and we quickly threw it on the tent. Good thing too, because when it came, it came, it rained for over an hour; I was grateful for the rain but worried about hypothermia and where on earth we would go to get rain gear if it kept raining... I finally fell asleep around 1am and woke to bone dry ground, if the tents weren't wet I might have thought I hallucinated the whole thing. The earth was so dry it  took the meager offering and just gobbled it up.

Friday
Small people and I were up early, we went for a stroll around the campground, played a few games at the arcade, fed the ducks, played with kids, then went back to see if the grown ups were awake. Yup, awake and caffienating! We spent the day at the beach, our camp site had some pretty spectacular beach access, swimming, floating, playing in the IKs and experimenting with stand up paddle boards. Ezra saw a guy on a SUP and was fascinated, the IK held absolutely no appeal once he got on one. The day was spent in the sun, water, sun, water, repeat! The girls took the IKs out for a wander, one got stuck on a sand bar, I watched her struggle to inch closer and closer to current, but not make it, so I hiked down there, walked across the river (at best it got ankle deep and slippery) then pushed her out of the channel she was stuck in and off to some current, then walked back. I was very happy I had recently cleaned my shoes of sand or that would have been an uncomfortable walk. Totally felt like amazon woman, rafting, water loving Amazon woman at that point! We made a quick trip into Guernville to pick up some groceries and entertain the notion of a fireworks show but the kids were knocked out by the ride so we went back to camp for some dinner. We argued with the fire for over an hour, it started then fizzled, repeated, fizzled, smoked, whatever!! There was enough heat for Tenda's charred cow, which was a bonus for her.
Zaire decided he wanted to sleep with Ezra in his tent, I got them all snuggled in and went to the loo. As I left camp a guy said "Good evening, I've seen you walking around with a lot of different people, you seem to be in charge" Nice, good to be recognized! When I got back from the bathroom Zaire was standing outside the tent, distraught and sobbing. I hugged him, he was cold, tired and terrified, poor little bug. Elliot had told Ezra a ghost story the night before, they all talked about it all day, and Zaire got scared about it as he was drifting off to sleep. So, back in the tent with mommy for snuggles, talk, and sleep.

Saturday
Woke up a later than I expected (530) laid in bed for a while longer then went for a stroll and grumbled about forgetting a book of some sort. Zaire woke up at 630 desperate to make a fire, I had to do a lot of convincing that "Smoking Tenda and Hilda out of their tent" so early would not be a good idea. After some convincing he was made happy with some hot chocolate and then a wander around camp with Michela, Taco and I. 
The theme for the rest of the day was "Gear Tending" Ezra has dirty underwear, tshirts, socks, etc, just strewn all over camp; he's been using Preston's old PFD in the water, when he takes it off he just tosses it where ever he his and then runs back in the water or all over the beach; his shoes have found themselves in all sorts of places that don't makes sense, the other day he had 2 pair of shoes, at two different ends of the beach. Just no sense of anything outside of his immediate need to have fun. He has blown the emergency whistle on the PFD twice, the first time was understandable, he was on the IK and a little stuck and out of view, but today it was while swimming to say he was stuck and couldn't move (he was tired but he actually said "Buddy, I'm drowning") He was on a SUP again, I was in the IK with Michela and Zaire, we bumped him, he dramatically threw himself into the IK, let go of the paddle he had, which, surprisingly, sank to the bottom of the river because Ezra didn't move off the IK to fetch the paddle when  "I'm stuck" he  then when he was in the water he barely moved to swim and pull the SUP back to shore. That, and the quickly rising tide, marked the end of our day at the beach. Time for some scolding about responsibility and gear tending then the camp ice cream social. There was talk of the hay ride, but the line was too long, so back to the camp for an improvised dinner, a fire to be proud of, s'mores, and the bonfire... Zaire decided to try sleeping with Ezra again, he was exhausted and was out soon after his head hit the pillow.
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Sunday
Woke up to fog, think, wet, fog. I sat and watched the water collect on the tents, the chairs, camp, me. Again, water, but nothing to make a dent in this parched Earth. Zaire poked his head out of the tent, saw me, smiled and said "I knew you were up mommy!" he joined me on the chairs for hot chocolate then big Ezra woke up, made hot chocolate, pulled a chair over and joined us. Sweet morning with my boys. We had a slow morning, a walk to the store for muffins, arcade time, feeding the ducks and horses, and an unexpected scavenger hunt for the kids. We talked of going to Jenner, but none of the kids really wanted to spend any more time in the water today, so we decided on mini-golf in Monte Rio and strolling in Guernville. Mellow, nice last day. The kids fell asleep on the way back to camp, Zaire has been asleep since. Ezra built a fire to brag about, we nibbled, talked, there was soccer and football, some food, and a rearranging of sleeping positions. Zaire and I will sleep in the car (because he is still asleep and I don't want to wake him just to move him), Elliot will be in the big tent with Michela and Joamia, Ezra will have a tent to himself... 
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Monday
After 13 hours of sleep, Zaire woke up hungry and refreshed, ready to play! We wandered about, brushed our teeth, talked about the packing plan, played at the play ground and waited for everyone to wake up. At some point I handed Ezra 20 bucks, sent he and the little ones off to the store for "breakfast" and more time at the park so we could pack camp and load the cars. The kids had snacks, park time, beach time, then car time. My goal was 10am, we left at 11, not too bad. I had to give Elliot a bit of a "gear tending" lecture too, unfortunately Ezra was frolicking on the beach so he missed it. We all had breakfast together at Cape Fear, did a little shopping in Duncans Mill then hit the road. Farewell Casini, until we meet again! 
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‎Flickr Album: https://flic.kr/s/aHskf83mM7

A month, and then some, without Facebook

Early one morning my phone started making strange noises, not the usual BART is late noise but a system notification that something was going on with the phone. Wake up, grab glasses, check out phone: user authentication for facebook is not valid, please check password (or something like that) What? Shiite, okay, go check FB, I'm logged out pending verification of my real name. What?! Fuck! I'd read about it but never thought it would hit *me*, I'm too fabulous for that! (Right?)

Read an email about verifying my identity, tried to log on, kept getting an error. There must be some way around this, I was starting to panic. How dare they cut me off from the world? How dare they tell me what to do? How d-a-r-e they (hiss)! At this point, even if I am not allowed to log on FB is sucking away time, I need to get moving, work calls!

Packed up the boy, got to BART, sent this message "I've been hit by the real name policy on Facebook - don't know when or if I will return to the medium - bummer, because I have a lot of content there that will be lost :( Unless I can get some ID in the name of Fabulous Lixa (I'm trying)... However, today has become take your kid to work day!"

Work passed, slowly without the distraction that is FB. I also realized how much I used it, not just to see what people were doing but to get news stories, contact people, see odd things, learn stuff (okay, now I'm just trying to convince my self that FB is good) I could survive without it, right? I doctored my ID and sent it off to FB to verify my identity (I might have committed a felony, not sure how that works if I am never going to present ti to anyone else) I got a 24 hour reprieve and could access my amount, I thought I had won! I quickly archived my data (did you know you can get a copy of your FB data?) Posted a few "They won't let me use my name" status updates and went to bed. That first day without FB was tough.

Then I packed up the car and the kids, we headed off to go camping, no signal, no phone serve, no FB, no big deal. Oy, was I wrong! Campground has WiFi, last year I posted a ton of pictures for the family to see, this year, none. IG and Flickr really just didn't do it for me. I felt lost, disconnected, alone in the digital wilderness unable to make sense of this poison oak riddled world I had found myself in. Yes, river; yes, kids; yes, friends; yes, silliness; no FB. You have to be kidding me! Okay, frolic, play, swim, mini-golf, hike, no one will know, does that mean it didn't happen? Man, I’m in a sad place.

Okay, home, ready to face another week without FB, can I do it? Got another “Help us verify your identity” email, so I sent a business card and my RID card, got a “Thanx, you can’t use your account while we verify…” Really?? Fuckers!! 2 days later another “Help us verify your identity” Now I’m just getting mad. I have created a  #FUFB hashtag and just post pictures of my daily emails from FB that say “Fabulous, you have notifications waiting” Really? It will taunt me with my profile name yet not let me actually log in with that name? People can tag me in things, but I can’t see it because I can’t log in.

Friday, 10 July, Oh shit! Now that I can’t link to my FB I have LOST a ton of contact information in my phone. Fuck! Really?? Sons of bitches! Now to try an rebuild my address book?? (Shakes fist in the direction of Menlo Park) #FUFB!!! I try to calm myself, really, it will be okay, sure, you may have lost a person or two, most you can recapture as time goes by, it will be okay. Much to my surprise though, the people I am coming into contact with in the world are shocked to hear about a “Real name policy” they had no idea, some don’t use their real names on FB and are now worried they will be hit. They are mad too. Today we started getting pictures of the new grand baby!! Exciting, amazing, can’t wait to meet him; man, I can’t post his picture anywhere so that those folks I reconnected with at the 30 year reunion will see him, because FB doesn’t think I’m real enough :( Okay, send a gazillion text messages, I feel like I’m back at the turn of the century. This is just ridiculous.

It just keeps getting better and better, some days I'm sure I will cave and just throw my last name out there, I miss people, I miss the interactions, the updates, the silliness! #FUFB 

The next week is peppered by random FB frustrations. Several notifications of what I'm missing, finding out I've missed event notifications, my boss saying "Did you see this on FB?" Over and over. My mom calls and says her sister is concerned because she can't see any updates, my dad, my original paranoid model, doesn't understand the big deal. I try to explain, over and over; then I find a statement from Zuck saying a "Real name" need only be an "Authentic name" a nick name would work, if that is what people know you by, unfortunately I can't find a govt issued ID in the Fabulous Lixa name... And, the verification engine at FB doesn't allow for anything other than their "acceptable forms" You can't get a real person, help desk requires a FB log in, there are no numbers posted, I guess I trek over the Dumbarton and bang on the door, but I'd have to present my ID to get past security. I'm stuck in a machine loop and I want out!

I have been surprised to read that there are people who voluntarily opt out of the FB because of what it means. FB has become so intertwined in our daily life people don't think about it any more. Important announcements go out on FB, plans, events, connections, news, etc. And we don't realize what that does to interpersonal interactions. I have been an avid consumer/user of electronic media for a few decades now, blogging (before it was called that) and documenting my trip through this life, I have fallen for the ease of FB, the centralized notion of access and reach that FB affords; never really thinking too much about the implications. If we continue to blindly allow this "free" service to weave itself more tightly into our daily lives we soon will not be able to live without it, then FB achieves it's goal of becoming the web, being the only place people get their information, and then it controls what we see, hear feel... At that point we might as well be wired into the FB matrix. 

When this started I was pissed, then I was annoyed, slightly panicked at the withdrawal I was feeling from it all, the loss was palpable and troubling. I had decided to just leave it be for a month, not entertain the notion of making a new profile until the month was done. Now, I've survived a month and my desire to reconnect hasn't waned but my desire to not be part of the machine again seems to be winning...

Just Keep Moving

Remembered my pedometer today! Well, I had it on yesterday but never actually made it out of the house because work went wonky and I fired up the computer at 7:30 instead of the scooter... Anyway, lunchtime rolled around and I decided I really needed to go for a walk, those 1700 steps were nothing, plus, it is gorgeous outside and I could use some vitamin D.

So, I took a walk.

A couple of blocks into it my knee gave out. This is my left knee and it has been through some stuff. At the tender age of 40 and a few days my knee and I found out that, despite the engineer's best intentions, knees do, in fact, bend backwards. They don't like it, they protest loudly, yet they will do it when inertia is involved. So, this knee has no ACL, the meniscus was torn in 3 places and later, mostly, removed, it creaks, it pops, it hurts, sometime it goes out. At that moment I realized I had a few options: turn around and go back to the office; stop, grab some food and go back' stop and rest; keep walking, only a little slower. ANy guesses which one I picked?? Really, any??

I kept walking, because ultimately, that's what I do, what most of us do, we just keep going. I was aware of the limitation, squared up my shoulders, held my head high, made very clear choices about the steps I was taking, did not limp or favor that knee for fear of having the other one join it in pain and just kept going.

It's what I do

And, I was rewarded for it. I got a lovely stroll through Yerba Buena Gardens, another 3K steps on the pedometer, sparkles in the sidewalk, some contemplative time and then lunch in the Sun. All of which I would have missed if I gave up and just turned back.

Dancing down the sidewalk

Left my pedometer at home today, there are moments when the wardrobe just won’t accommodate it. Thank Heavens Google maps is around! Lunchtime walk was 2.2 miles (Office, bank, Noah’s bagels, office) If I add the mile the RT walk from BART to Office I’m over 3 miles for the day. It was a gorgeous day, absolutely splendid to be outside in the sun and fresh air. Heck, it is almost beach weather at this point, let’s go!!

Walking, dancing, and shimmering down the street for lunch. We come up on a street musician playing music with a nice beat so I had to dance a little more vigorously… Then I hear him say “that’s right, shake it girl! Shake it, don’t break it!” I just had to shake it a little harder!!

I am firmly convinced that if the other people on the street would allow themselves to feel the music, the sun, and the air they would have started shaking it a little too. You know the saying “And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music” (Nietzche)? Can I change it a little? “Those who hear the music but refuse to dance are a little insane”? Of course, when I was younger I would dance in line at the grocery store, my mother always scolded me because there was no music; I said it was in my head and kept dancing. Probably explains a lot about me on some deep rooted psychological level, but there is always music… Not the stuff you hear on the radio necessarily, but the rhythms of the world.

Dance, walk, smile, laugh, move – that’s what these corporeal containers are for!!!

Just Move

I’ve been wanting to do something lately, something that will make a change, get me out of the 9 to 5 grind that I have come to loathe. I don’t mind my job at all, I detest the commute, the time away from home, the drudgery of consistency – if that makes sense. Working remotely would be great, and completely doable, really… taking the kids for an impromptu visit to my folks, toting my laptop and working from their patio while the kids play in the pool would be amazing! I know lots of people would love to do that too, yet, for me it is feasible. I just need to figure out how to make that happen…

But, outside of that I need some other things to feed my soul. When I was younger, freelancing I felt complete; there was time for friends, crafts, art, rafting, hiking, marathon training, dancing, sex, sleeping, crazy cat lady training, moving my body, philosophizing, spending time with my kid, slow mornings, late nights, etc. Sometimes I wonder if this is just melancholy middle age nostalgia for my 20s and 30s, we all do that, right? What ifs and such. Then I wonder, is it more? Then I have a bill to pay and those wild dreams just fall back to the ground…

So, do what? Last night I thought “Just Move”. I don’t mean relocate, the Bay Area is a wonderful place; I don’t mean dump the family and move on, I am devoted, dedicated to my family; I don’t mean quit my job, I’m not stupid, a reliable income in a job I don’t hate is a blessing; I mean move… These pretty feet, this ample ass, these hips, these shoulders, this head… Just move…

Last year I befriended my pedometer again and committed to walking every day, aiming for 10 thousand steps a day, I made it, a lot. Just everyday stuff, walks with my boy to the store, urban hikes, 5K races with the boys, the bridge walk, my commutes, exploring Kauai, lunchtime walks and our 1.5 mile neighborhood block walk. I’ve done it, I feel so much better for it. I don’t need research or science to tell me something I have proven to myself a hundred times before; I just need to remember to do it!

So, I’m gonna move, and I’m gonna write about and if I’m lucky and have something to contribute these posts will mean something to someone else and I’ll get offered a book deal, a movie,   an inspirational speaking tour, who knows… I’m donning my cape and tiara and going forward to change my world!!